Wednesday, September 18, 2002

I keep forgetting that growing up is supposed to be hard. The grind of every day at high school, the influence people have over me. The influence I have over people that love me [and hate me]. The truth is, we're all trying to figure it out. I'm trying not to second guess and not think too much. Read more. Eat whatever I want. Dance whenever my toe starts tapping. Not worry so much about grades and being at school. Sleep and dream, but not[whatever I do] let the dreams stop once my eyes open.

To be quite honest. I'm teriffied of what tomorrow will bring, of what he'll say or she'll think and I'm trying so hard to get over my fears and love openly and fully. I'm calling people 'dear' and 'honey' and 'babydoll' more, and meaning it every time.

"American Girl" by Tom Petty and the cover by Dance Hall Crashers.
"All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles
"What I Got" by Sublime
"Cupid de Locke" by the beloved Smashing Pumpkins

Last night I was talking to my mom about how I feel about myself sometimes. The regular worries, too fat, not muscular enough, not shaped right. She told me I was beautiful and said I needed to call Christa and she was going to get me the phone. I called, left a message, and was woken up I don't know how much later by the ringing. Good conversation, tho I'm so tired I don't rightly remember most of it. Anyways, it was good for me and we weren't late for Seminary today. Wowzas.

I'm trying to write more. I've grown to like my handwriting [it's evolved to a neat scrawl], and I'm not sure what that says about me. I can't see how that could be bad, though.


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