every new begining is some other begining's heartache

i hate how it always comes back to this tug of war. i don't want to be the one to cause problems because i know that they already think i'm a selfish, emotionally immature brat but i couldn't spend this summer away from everyone. this is really the last time that we're all going to be in high school and be able to be completely irresponsible and it's all of that ending and begining where the start and finish lines are painted the same color.

and i'm sorry that i've been a bad friend and paying too much attention to boys because i really love you and you're the only reason i've gotten to this point without more scars and terrible stories. and you're who i cry on and who i couldn't laugh harder with and i miss you and i miss that and i'm so sorry that i let myself get too busy for the best time of my life. because it's always been you. and i'm sick and tired of not having enough time and i'm so heartsick sad right now because i can't stand the idea of being away from you for that long with that family that doesn't seem to know anything about me--even though i'm supposed to be half of him. i wish he loved me half as well as you do.