friday night talking to my computer

i'm at kurt's house. he's downstairs watching xgames and his roommates are being cool together. emmy and kim and kendra are in washington d.c. or on their way there. i really miss them. sometimes it sucks, kurt living here, because all i want to do is be with my friends and hang out at someone's house and watch old movies from when we were kids and drink hot beverages. i've found such an amazing group of people in indiana. i don't want to leave them; at least, i don't want to miss any time that i have with them. i remember feeling really insecure last year and trying really hard to be like them or to have them think i was cool or pretty or whatever it is we want people to think of us. and this year all of that is gone. i don't know if something happened over the summer or if something happened at the end of last year. but i'm just so strongly happy with myself and with the people that they are and who we may or may not become. i can't stop listening to endless mike and the beagle club's husky tenor. it's so good. it captures the spirit of western pennsylvania and makes me never want to leave it. i'm not sure if this is what everyone talks about, college being the best days of your life. i could keep going like this forever though. i built a fort yesterday. i watched homeward bound this morning. i just love that there's so much snow and love and i feel like i'm going to be caught by any one of these people if i just ask them. i don't think i'll have that in pittsburgh, even if i have kyle. even if i have kurt. it's not the same, and i don't think i want to change. they're beautiful. i.love.

i hope that i can get to the point that i don't hve to edit these paragraphs.