Sunday, March 11, 2001

Well, we did split up. I am quite possibly going to have a nervous breakdown. No one, excluding Rosie, is comming with me. I don't think I can do this. I don't want to readjust agian. I mean, moving is hard enough, but having to do it nearly every six months makes it much worse. Not that we're moving now. We just don't get to see any of the same people. I'm trying to make plans with Kellie, but everythings so hectic...I don't want this to happen. Not now. Not when I need these people most. I can't do it. I can try. I'm not comming close to saying I will succeed, but I can still try. I'm so used to being popular (as humble as I am...) at church. Knowing everyone, being everyones friend. Now I have to...reinvent myself. I guess this does have its perks. I can be a whole new person. But I'm not really sure, for the first time in my life, I want to pretend to be someone else.

I don't want to go back to school tomorrow. I can't stand it. I just want to live during a continous summer. I want to be able to do things just because. I want to sleep more than 5 hours a night. I want to live out my fantasies. I want to make new fantasies. I want to daydream. I want to make something of myself.


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