I want to be free from all this. I need a vacation. But I would still think there....I'd like to be brainwashed for the day. I know, I'm being horrible. But I'm so used to wanting everything, not having it. And now that it's within reach, it's hard to do anything. I don't want to admire from afar, but getting up close is going to be so hard. STUPID STUPID argh...I hate feeling.