Thursday, April 12, 2001

Am I supposed to feel this way? Is there even a way to feel when it comes to things like this? I'm so confused....I've spent the past couple of days listening to love songs, and good songs, but I nothing can change my mood. Not the essence. Not what I'm thinking about. Maybe I'll just run away. If I haven't already. Hiding sounds so wonderful and safe, but being scared makes me feel so much more alive. The limelight is fading away from me, and I don't like that. Maybe things are happening that I can't see, maybe it's all right in front of me, but I'm expecting it to be far away. Am I looking in the right places? Am I supposed to be looking? I love this....I love.

After my repeated calls to Christa's house, I finially got in touch with her. She said something had happened, but I didn't get any clear details. I didn't get any details, actually. I hope everythings okay....

I don't want to be selfish, but I am having a great time loving life. I am in love. I love this....I love.


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