Monday, August 24, 2009

salvation lies to the west.

got back today from a week-long sojourn to the west which included two weddings: my sister's and my cousin's. they were in utah and montana, respectively. i enjoyed spending time with my family but i always feel like i'm having some sort of head trip when i go to provo. it's not a lack of culture, but it seems to be a showcase of only one kind, which ends up being the same thing if you live there long enough. all the same, my sister looked beautiful and seemed glowingly happy to be starting her life with her fella so all in all i'd say that was a success.

on friday we drove up to the reservation through the rockies. i sat in the front seat next to my father and had him tell me stories about being a little indian while the sun set on the missiouri river. the further we drove the more i wanted to stay. montana is one of the few places i've been that still seems wild. you can go for hours and hours and not see anything except a few ranches and big country. then it dawned on me: after this year at home, i can go finish school anywhere i want (provided i dazzle them with an essay about why i felt the need to play ladychild for two years instead of finish my schoolin). the university of montana is only four hours away from my father's family on the rez, and my mom will be moving there at the end of this year which means in-state tuition. most of all, i want to go somewhere new without knowing anyone. i've never really struck out all on my own without a person close by to run to when i'm feeling lonely, and i think i need some wild blue yonder to take me out of myself. sit on top of some hills and figure out what shape i want the little pieces of everything i've ever known to be. i feel like i need to get to know my country before i decide to go about changing it.


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