Sunday, May 25, 2003

So things are smoothing out. I caught myself downplaying my problems last night. I realized I shouldn't do that, nor should I try to make them seem huge and bigger than they are. Keep proportion active, let things be as they are. I'm still in super love with Ryan, this time I'll give you a less flustered reason why: Friday afternoon I couldn't stop crying. I suppose it was combined lack of sleep, problems happening, and the fact that my mom had to leave and I was leaving soon. So I called him in tears and asked if he could come over. And he did. So he held me while I blubbered about how scared I was and slipped away quietly when I finally got up the courage to talk to my parents. So I love him forever, even if he tries to kill me tomorrow. We're going to King's Dominion tomorrow and I'm looking forward to a day of hanging with the boys and having panic attacks in lines. Speaking of which, mum thinks I need to be on anxiety medicine long-term, after I borrowed another one of her Adavan pills. Paxil, maybe. So maybe tomorrow won't be the best thing for me psychologically [because last time I was on a roller coaster I was hyperventilating in line and almost didn't go about a thousand times. and, as soon as it was over, we lost ali. so yeah]. But I'll do my best not to freak out. Jeeze I'm such a girl.

current mood: angsty
current music: y control by the yeah yeah yeahs


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