Wednesday, May 13, 2009

she'll kiss you 'til your lips bleed

So. I quit smoking. About twenty-eight hours ago. So far it's terrible. I've basically sequestered myself in the house so that I won't be around cigarettes or be tempted by that delicious wall behind the counter at any gas station. I really do want to be done with all the ill effects of smoking (and there are one hell of a lot for an asthmatic with an addictive personality) but goddammit, I like cigarettes. They're tasty and comforting and make you look cool. I don't know what else I'll be able to supplement them with. I've been inhaling cinnamon gum and even got cinnamon toothpaste and that's helped marginally, but now my jaw is sore because I went through about ten sticks of gum today. I also think it's funny that I decided to quit because I went for a run and couldn't breathe and didn't do a lick of exercise today.

I went to lunch today with Troy M. Woodward, Esq. We ate Mexican food and talked about pot and how fucked up his side of the family is. It was actually really nice. He didn't ask me to come back to Jesus once. He also said that he'd help me get a car AND that he needs filing done at the office, which means Ashley gets overpaid under the table.

Going through my old music makes me want to make mixes galore. hopefully they'll get done and put in the mail.
Fuck. My life is reduced to a series of nothings. At least I'm eating well now.

Saturday, May 09, 2009


I moved out and officially disbanded milk house today. I'm on the floor of my mom's living room and I just got my first mosquito bite of the season. There's blood all over my foot.

I spent most of the drive here staring out the window and crying. It's strange; I know I don't want to be in Indiana anymore but at the same time I feel like I'm floundering and taking whatever falls into my lap. I think this summer will be a good one but whenever I come home I feel like I'm put back into fifteen year old Ashley's life with chores and dysfunction and no place to go.

I have a feeling that I'm going to be on the internet a lot more than I would readily admit this summer, as it's available and I've grown to dislike watching television. So, I guess I'm saying I'll see you around.