Tuesday, July 31, 2001

Well...today I have been insulted, been picked up by someone that weighs 25 lbs less than me, and dissed to the extreme, yet I'm happy. Incredibly. More than anything. Anyone. Anywhere....=)

I think I'm addicted to Christa. I have to talk to her every day, she helps me breathe. Drugs are surrounding me, and I'm incredibly sick of it, then I talk to her and....pow. Everything's clear, and all I'm thinking about is how greatful I am for the scar on my upper lip.

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

speak to me in a language I can hear humor me before I have to go
deep in thought I forgive everyone
as the cluttered streets greet me once again
I know I can't be late, supper's waiting on the table
tomorrow's just an excuse away
so I pull my collar up and face the cold, on my own
the earth laughs beneath my heavy feet
at the blasphemy in my old jangly walk
steeple guide me to my heart and home
the sun is out and up and down again
I know I’ll make it, love can last forever
graceful swans of never topple to the earth
and you can make it last, forever you
you can make it last, forever you

and for a moment I lose myself
wrapped up in the pleasures of the world
I’ve journeyed here and there and back again
but in the same old haunts I still find my friends
mysteries not ready to reveal
sympathies I’m ready to return
I’ll make the effort, love can last forever
graceful swans of never topple to the earth
tomorrow's just an excuse
and you can make it last, forever you
you can make it last, forever

Monday, July 23, 2001

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY BIRTHDAY IS IN TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listening to "Thirty Three" live and acoustic. Doesn't get much better than this. Tho I would've liked to talk to Christa [a lot] more last night, what we had was good.

"Tomorrow is just another excuse for you" -Smashing Pumpkins

I have school again today, after a pretty good weekend. Not sure how to take it, and I'll probably figure it out on Friday. It really isn't like regular school, partially because it's easy, and partially because it doesn't seem serious. It seems like it's just a bunch of adults playing kids. However, they play them very convincingly. Perhaps there's an Oscar winner in my Math class. =)

I'm making no sense, to me, so I'm sure anyone who reads this is confused too. When something actually happens in my life, I'll let you know. Until then, you're stuck with my day-to-day ramblings.

Sunday, July 22, 2001

Today is a good day. I scarfed about 3-4 pieces of pizza "cooked" by yours truly. Extra motzerella. I can't wait till Christa comes up. That's going to be awesome. It really isn't fair that she's that far away. Maybe there's a purpose, I don't know. But right now I'm angry that I can't see her at church today.

I'm sick of trying to sum myself up as 'punk'. I'm so much more than that. I can't really be described, I don't think. I don't care. I don't! hrmmm

Bittersweet Symphony. =) Right now is truly a great time. There is nothing but me in wherever I want to be. In the clouds, on a New York street, or in the Tonight Tonight video, with Billy Corgan ;).

I like being alone. I haven't ever really, not when I was little. But I love it when everyone's gone for the day, and I have the house to myself, and my music is loud, and I can dance all over without running into someone [if not something] and not have anyone think I'm crazy. (Hrm, run on sentences can be good...).

I don't know what to write about. Just letting everyone know that I'm happy. For now, forever, as long as the music keeps playing.

Saturday, July 21, 2001

My oh my, I've neglected writing in here. "Drama makes you livid and the nervous always laugh"

I'm happy for Christa. REALLY happy.

I'm on anti-depressants! hrm, not sure how to take that. I guess it's good that I got over the fact that I need 'em, but maybe I don't. I keep thinking I'm on a fake happy, that maybe there's something I'm missing that's sad, and needs to be thought about. I'll debate it later. I'm happy right now.
ACK! What if it's not me that's being happy?! Oh man....
I'm going to say that anti-depressants and punk don't mix, so whenever I'm punkishly happy, it's me. Because that's what I am right now.

Friday, July 13, 2001

I never feel so happy as when Christa writes about me in her blog. Truly. It's a great feeling to know that I've finially achieved a place in her eyes. Above the sarcastic, rude little girl that *gasp* compared Tess to Tris. Although, at the time is probably was pretty bad. And now I'm leaving for the weekend, embarking on another of life's journeys. Or at least I'm going to Mandy's. I want big words right now.