I sincerely wish that someone would tell me that they have a crush on me. But only if they mean it. Gosh darn it, I'm purty durn coolios! Argh. Boys suck. Sorry to all my good guy friends, you're the few exceptions. Gah. Stabba stabba.

happy turkey day.

Miss Roxielicious was overjoyed at her partay [which truly was a partay, and not a mere party]. Mia and I prepared to be the life of the party by running through Salvation Army and comming out dressed as we were. We got there and flopped down on top of everyone and spent the rest of the night laughing and eating and smiling and snuggling and Roxie and I shushed everyone who would dare think of talking during the good parts of Reality Bites. Roxie is now in love with us, bien sur, and I think she's finally getting the idea that we adore her.

which francesca lia block girl are you?

(quiz created by shelle)

I love that book!!

'Tomorrow' by The Rocking Horse Winner all over, again.

He told me I was too colorful for that drab painting and I remembered what it was like to be complimented and agree, fully.

She thinks he has a crush on me, and brings out smiles and feelings of beauty and hope and inspiration, that I haven't felt often enough.

Tonight really does feel like color, like blues and pinks and purples and another color that I don't think can quite be described. Everything's just mauvelous [the color really does seem to describe the accent, perfectly], despite a good then bad then better then worse then that amazing flighty feeling that makes me want to have a crush on just the right person and everything's starting to feel again, to feel again and to feel good again. I resolve not to think I am ugly any more, not with all the beauty that comes from me, and I am fully worthwhile. Even when he doesn't see it or she thinks it's silly or I say it's not enough to get by. Enough as is. Maurice says I sound like I had lost myself. I think I have, and we'll blame that on the lack of updates and journals and painting and dreaming and sleep and compliments.

Best compliment of the week, I think. And probably past month:
Potowiskey: i always see the bright you
Potowiskey: even when you are feeling down
Punkyelhsa: really?
Potowiskey: it never stops

Merci beacoup, mes petits infants, pour nous sont plus joli et je nous adore.

Several times this morning, I woke up, saw a bold beam of sunlight breaking through my drawn shades and thought I couldn't possibly be on time for school. I decided it would be best if I lay in bed for a while, half-asleep, singing "Champange High" by Sister Hazel. My immediate excuse was that I had woken up at 5 that morning to watch a meteor shower. We ended up driving to where there were no lights, and staring at the sky from the winshield of our minivan. There weren't anywhere near as many as I had hoped, but that's what Montanna is for. We came back home and I flopped in my bed, and missed Seminary to make up for the extra hour of missed sleep. I think I remember someone yelling my name after that, but I assumed it was a dream, or unimportant [that is, no one was dying]. When I saw the aforementioned stream of light, I kept smiling into my pillow and stretching. I came downstairs to find that I am the only one home, and sometimes I think I prefer it this way.

I think making forts, dancing under a blanket singing "All You Need Is Love" out of tune, and reason for inspiration explains why Ariel helps me forget/remember/rediscover who I am.

Punkyelhsa: racist
dfinbergX86: jew
Punkyelhsa: well, i guess i can't argue there
dfinbergX86: ...yes
dfinbergX86: i ate jesus
dfinbergX86: jesus loves me
Punkyelhsa: loves your stomach acid

what are you going to do in 10 years, 5 years, next year, when you look back on your life. do you want to remember all the great fights you had, how witty you were, how petty were the things you fought about? will you not change your mind and insist that you were right, that nothing should've changed except how they acted? do you want it to change now?

forgive and forget, kiddos.

Life is short, pal, life is so short.

My oh my, Friday night....=)

Amongst unsaid animosity and phone tag, it was decided that Roxie would pick me up and we'd head out for a night on the town. She picked me up at 69 Grandma Lane and we listened to Todd Barry, bien sur, stopped in at Burger King to bum around with Hairnet Kayla and headed back out again. We were told by her father to spit on a rich person's car, stalked Scotty and ate too much Chinese. We then spent a good 1 1/2 at the mall, with a plunger on my back, giving the much-desired tail effect, tried to kill the guy in Hot Topic with it, but alas, plungers don't kill. I have a Flogging Molly pin, to complete my collection [matching sticker and shirt]. The plunger ended up on a jewelry case window in Boscovs and we ended up having pamphlets thrown at us by Jehova's Witnesses and provoking her dad into homicidal thoughts because of our midleading directions as to where to pick us up. Miss Roxielicious spent the night, a dancing Robert Downey Junior in a diaper was born and so were a million other laugh-provoking conversations that I don't quite remember at the moment.

It is far, far past my bedtime, but it feels wonderful. The sleepy feeling at the back of my eyes that I know will get to me soon and make me break down and go to bed, but for now I feel like I'm stealing away a little piece of the day, just like in summer, only now it's because I had a Chemistry lab due instead of a desire to feel alive whilst it was still dark.

Song of the Moment: "Closing Time" by Semisonic. I remember this song from back in the day, when I thought Blink 182's videos comic genius, Tamora Pierce the greatest writer to ever live, and my poetry deep and meaningful. As for now, I tend to detest anything played on MTV, read Uncle Walt and Sabrina Ward Harrison more than anything else, and understand that "The Stevie Years" were a necessary step to becomming a better writer, yet the song still holds it's ground. I suppose that's a good sign, for it. And for me, come to think of it. I'll be listening to this in another 4 years and will be humming along to the generic-90s-yet-oh-so-lovely guitar chords and clickity clacking on my keyboard writing about how I thought punkrock was the way to be and how I think of shoes as badges of pride. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll be typing about how little I've changed-which proves it all the more. =)

Sight of the moment: My walls, oh lovely walls. The Beatles, Tolkien, and Matisse hang around and above my bookshelf like stars above a mountian, protecting and guarding it from any harm.

Smell of the moment: Shower. gah, I still have to shower.

Sound of the moment: my regular, steady breathing as I sleep.

I'm very much stuck in a dreamlike blue and brilliant yellow and complimenting green mood. Mandy said it's been an Ashley day, and I must say I agree. This weekend was worth anything and everything, I remembered who I am, I painted, I danced and I laughed louder than I can remember. There is truly nothing [and no one] that could possibly replace Miss Ariel.

The Beatles are watching over me as I sleep, and I wake up looking at the Joy of Life or a mural, depending on which way I'm facing. Finger painting and fantasies adorn my walls and for the first time in a long time, I have a crush on a boy. But it's very hush hush, let's keep it just between us, shall we?

How Emotional Are You?
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Happy-Go-Lucky. You are a happy person and you don't let your emotions get to you. You see everything that's not in a positive light as not worth messing with and deal with emotions as they come. You are usually very happy and probably experience many emotional highs. Enjoy life.