Friday, September 26, 2003

ah scrolled down too far on rox's website...vommit vommit vommit.

tonight mia came over after work and we ate chili with my family...which was fun. we laughed a lot. i like doing that. my family has so many inside jokes. crazy [but that's how it go-o-oes].

i'm listening to led zepplin on repeat on accident kinda. i really want to go to market tomorrow. maybe mommy and stan will take me. they're really interesting to be with, i decided.

decided i want to be a professor of anthropology, particularly religion and language. and alex emailed me. =) so that was neato burrito. i think maybe god was trying to teach me patience with the whole not emailing until school's in full swing. but we're doing alright, now.

i think it's funny that half of what i know about the old testament comes from fictional books i've read--namely many waters and the red tent. and i totally know the book of mormon ebtter because of the homecoming series. i think i'm gonna re-read many waters, actually.

know what's so cool? in the king james version of the bible, they italicize words that couldn't be translated directly, and when it's talking about Enoch being taken up to God they translate it as "he was not". I find that immensley facinating...and makes me want to learn ancient greek [egyptian? cubism? hebrew?] just so i can figure that out. but my french teacher was saying the other day about not ever being able to fully portray yourself because there's always that lingering doubt that comes with speaking a foriegn language. so shucks. but still...harumph.

we were going to visit davey but i ended up having to babysit. no worries, i'll see him sunday if something doesn't happen tomorrow...

i need some good summer lovin. winter lovin. i feel kinda defunct. mia and i tried to cruise the circuit and decided we are way to used to good ole safe suburbia when this kid with a crowbar was trying to talk to us when we were at a red light. so we just turned up flogging molly and pretended we didn't hear him. it was scary. he was like 'rah!' and we were like "ah, we're females!" Like that.

oh yeah and i yelled at some kids today in german for making fun of someone. i felt really overbearing and mean because i was like argh i'm big junior i could eat your face off be nice to him you're disgusting but i don't know how effective it would've been if i hadn't been forceful. i hope they know i don't hate them, either. i just hate it when people are so terribly rude and malicious. and i totally want to still be their friend. aw. so much for that. my german teacher loves me because i talked to her about rainer maria rilke and i worship language. when i came in this morning she was like "you always look so cute coming in in your little outfits" and i had my picnic basket and 40s dress and saddle shoes on. fun fun. i got this super hot go-go dress from checkered past, along with matching fishnet stockings and an application.

Catch22 in 18 days.


oh won't you call me on the telephone [oo whoa oh]<--is that a song or did i make it up?

Monday, September 22, 2003

so i've been really into this whole homework crap thing lately...but i bet i'm gonna fail photography. argh.

want to go shopping so bad. i've had the bug lately.

so sleepy.....

school picture day tomorrow. i'm wearing a dress. crazy.

i haven't gone to seminary in a week because she was sick and cancelations and sleeping in...soo tired.

david's getting a mustang.
i'm wearing anarchy shoes tomorrow.
i went to elle's house today. we had fun.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Oh yeah. ZWAN broke up. Man. I don't know what Billy thinks he's doing, even though he did say "[his] heart was in the pumpkins". I want that to happen again, but I don't know if it would be as wonderful and sweet. I just love them so much...we were listening to Endless Summer full blast driving with the windows down tonight and it was so wonderful and perfect and everything fit and that was the best night of my life EVER....I mean seriously. What's the likelihood of us winning tickets and getting beautiful shirts and being so close and making out with the gorgeous kid and SEEING him there....ah. I relive it so much. I love him.
so the hurricane party was bunches of fun. most people were in their pajamas and i spent like the whole time talking to ian. which was really keen in itself, but now i wish that i had paid more attention to everybody around me.

i found this old journal of mine from like 6th grade that's really terrible. i'm like cussing about every adult i know and it's really vicious and stupid and makes me want to slap my then-self. but i also have the begining of a story in there that's got some pretty funny stuff about an orphaned only child. haha, oh the stevie years...

i made this 'skyline mix' and left it at my dad's last summer and it's pretty decent. it's got aurora by foo fighters and fiona apple's version of across the universe. hrmm.

so tonight we drove up and down memory lane like twelve times over. we drove through apple green and we pointed out all of our childhood memories [id est, "that's the wolverine tree, and the rogue tree, and the storm tree" and "the people that used to live there were really really catholic hippies"] to Krissie. We also went by Chesepeake Beach and Rosehaven. I had a pretty cool childhood, come to think of it. =)

and alex emailed me again....crazy how that works. ahem. roxie's also in love with david buerger and is closing in on my turf. so i think a fight for dominance may ensue. i do love tay-tay though....ah, decisions, decisions. let's go to mexico.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

i just compared my last two posts...i'm so blatently a disgusting emotional teenager. -- me, freddy
i'm so obsessed with the violent femmes. mia hates me and roxie and denies it fervently....but i love her. and she's seventeen in 3 hours and 33 minutes. whoa. that's crazy....

nothing to say...
en seeemmmbluh
cancer....doo doo doo.
i need someone a person to talk someone to care to love could it be you
could it be you?

i'm in such a bad mood. i hate caring and i hate people knowing i care and it just makes me so angry that i want to kick something in the face, but i still want them to see me lash out and think i'm so awesome for such a bold display of emotions and they'll all flock to be my friends. i hate myself.
five, five, five for my lonely
and six, six, six for my sorrow
and seven, seven, for no tomorrow

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

so yeah--went to mutual--had an awesome awesome awesome time. sister kneudson gave a lesson and like half of it was about H2O and like I was so happy cause I understood it and I was going over it in my head last week in Bio about how everything just fits and there's no way it woudln't have without divine intervention. and then afterwards we had banana splits and i was like jumping up and down with brother buerger in the hallway talking about cold and catch22 and he and dave and tay-tay will probably go with me and k-dawg to the show. i wish someone else here loved them...they're so wonderful. beth might go. that would be uber uber cool. man the buergers are so awesome. i talked to bro. buerger for like a good 45 minutes and then stan let me drive around the weis parking lot for a half an hour--i killed about seventy people but ohh driving is fun. i'm in such a good mood right now. i love being sixteen and my awesome family and doing such amazingly fun stuff and just loving life in general...i like that i'm wearing a negligee to homecomming...and my date is a gorgeous lady....and i like how my jeans fit....and i like that mia said that her dress is 'my color' and the end.
i love mia! she came over after school and we had a jolly old time. we didn't really do anything except laugh for like ten hours straight...then got naked and switched clothes. hehehe no one else will think our joke is funny but we will laugh endlessly.

Monday, September 15, 2003

i've been tired/sick as of today....cough cough sleep sleep....not much to say. i ran the mile in 12:10 and was intensely proud until i realized that that isn't all that great....besides which, i stayed purple for 30 minutes. Gross. I had a dream about Holy last night. I don't remember what happened. But I think it might've had something to do with the conversation I had with Roxie about his girlfriend having a fro and glasses.

you can all just kiss off into the air
behind my back i can see them stare
they'll hurt me bad, but i won't mind
they'll hurt me bad, they do it all the time
{yeah yeah} they do it all the time

Sunday, September 14, 2003

at my most beautiful
i count your eyelashes
with every one whisper i love you

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

i feel forgotten about
English is getting to be really fun, especially with Kayla in there. We're reading Our Town and today she and I just talked about weddings the entire class period. She said I could be a bridesmaid if she married Billy. =) School really is not so bad as was previously thought. I really like my Bio II class. Today Machalea [girl who sits next to me] and I started calling Mr. Gable G-Dawg and that's a crazy fun class, as well. Elle and I have been playing in the library during study halls together. Today when they checked out my book [which is insanely awesome--it's called The Futile Life of Pito Perez] she didn't even ask my name. I feel so cool when they do that, even though the entire school hates them. Oh yeah, I turned Elle onto Orson Scott Card! Whoo! Austin still won't let me read the Homecomming: Earth because he's not done, but I think I'll steal it away from him tonight.

So right now I'm printing out things that don't qualify as American Poetry to put on the cover of my poetry notebook. So far I have the previous entry [which was, in case you couldn't tell, a Truman Capote selection], a Guillame Appollinaire poem, and a Rainer Maria Rilke poem. Speaking of German names, today this girl Courtney stole 'Eva' when we were picking names first hour, but she said she was thinking about changing it. I did, however, pick Petra as an alternate. But I don't think anyone at school except Mia will get the refrence. Sigh.

I hate wearing clothes I don't like. Today I wore that silly Cheer Up Emo Kid shirt inside out and the color's really garish and bleh. And it doesn't fit well either. Oh well, Elle gave me back my brown jacket so I can wear that soon, even though she made it smell like tuna fish.

Mandy might come up this weekend...I miss her so much. I want to take her picture. She's so gorgeous--and will look wonderful in black and white. Sigh.

Monday, September 08, 2003

She was still hugging the cat. "Poor slob," she said, tickling his head,"poor slob without a name. It's a little inconvienent, his not having a name. But I haven't any right to give him one: he'll have to wait until he belongs to somebody. We just sort of took up by the river one day, we don't belong ot each other: he's an independent, and so am I. I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me and things belong together. I'm not quite sure where that is just yet. But I know what it's like." She smiled, and let the cat drop to the floor. "It's like Tiffany's," she said. "Not that I give a hoot about jewelry. Diamonds, yes. But it's tacky to wear diamonds before you're forty; and even that's risky. The only look right on the really old girls Maria Ouspenskaya. Wrinkles and bones, white hair and diamonds: I can't wait. But that's not why I'm mad about Tiffany's. Listen. You know those days when you've got the mean reds?"
"Same as the blues?"
"No," she said slowly. "No, the blues are because you're getting fat or maybe it's been raining too long. You're sad, that's all. But the mean reds are horrible. You're afraid and you sweat like hell, but you don't know what you're afraid of. Except something bad is going to happen, only you don't know what it is. You've had that feeling?"
"Quite often. Some people call it angst."
"All right. Angst. But what do you do about it?"
"Well, a drink helps."
"I've tried that. I've tried asprin, too. Rusty thinks I should smoke marijuana, and I did for a while, but it only makes me giggle. What I've found does the most good is just to get into a taxi and go to Tiffany's. It calms me down right away, the quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there, not with those kind men in their nice suits, and that lovely smell of silver and alligator wallets. If I could find a real-life place that made me feel like Tiffany's, then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name...."

Monday, September 01, 2003

so the luau was super duper fun. people sucked some, but it was mostly pretty keen. i got the calf-high mocasins that i didn't think i'd get because they were 160$....but mom and stan love me with their money. so whoo! and two typewriters, and rainer maria rilke and lots moola and kayler gave me cool cds and a cd case and mia is taking me to breakfast at tiffany's and got me a holly golightly purse. all in all, i totally cashed out [in?]. i spent the night at gram's last night watching dead poets society and today i made sticky pecan rolls that everybody loved. turns out i have sinus right cheek is swollen and i have a mongo bad headache all over that side of my head. i really want to play with mia....i made her a pretty something that i'm going to give her tomorrow. i'm wearing her pink frilly fun negligee [is that how you spell it...?] for homecomming. trying to figure out what to do to keep my shoulders covered and mormon. i suppose a sweater will be in order. i still want one with embroidery. swallows would be cool.

ugh ugh ugh i hate custody crizzap. shoot you in the face kinda hate. argh.

i don't wanna go to school tomorrow even a little bit. i didn't think i'd get into this so quickly. i'm trying trying trying to keep my chin up and everything...and it really isn't that big of a deal. okay. think pros....
english poetry assingment. i read two emmerson poems today that were like 150 lines each.
getting to wear sweaters. i love sweaters.
get to make new friends.
hanging out with old friends.
making fun of green.
the library during study halls.
using the computers for illegal things such as printing out prettiness and looking at blogs. i should start a project that looks school related and have that up whenever someone walks by. aww now i miss ryan and our day 5s in the writin center.

i want a pixies shirt and a sounds shirt. off to

current mood: aggrivated
current music: none. i hate not having speakers up here