Wednesday, October 30, 2002

It seems like lately, everybody has a boy. Someone to like or someone that likes them, or a real full-fledged high school romance and I'm feeling a little left out. I don't actually want a boy, per say, but I'd like things to go back to the good ol' days of being a bunch of uncaring bachlorettes. Boys are ever-so-silly, quite honestly, and I'm begining to think that he isn't out there, at least not yet. I suppose I'll get on with my lonely-hearted self. I think I've become afraid of affection from boys. And right now I'm very much in a nondescript mood. Meh.

I'm listening to Daycare Swindlers "Big Show" over and over, and even though I don't have the entire song, even though it keeps being interupted by the 'dings' on Mandy's computer and even though it's just a bunch of clips she sent me recorded onto one sound file, I can't get enough. I want this CD desperately. I want so many CDs but none are really so important that I can't wait. Maybe The Softies. But that's such summer music and this constant, dreary cold rain is making me think that summer never will come. And neither will a dry, cold winter. Because that's really the best kind.

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

I know I've been writing way too many lists lately, but all my thoughts come out in a rush that is better felt than typed, or written, for that matter. Besides, tho quite linear, these little lists make me feel like dancing and singing and laying watching skies.

Things I Am Currently In Love With:
My Eskimo Guy
Pulley - The Ocean Song
Primitive Radio Gods - I've Been Downhearted, Baby
Rainer Maria
sleep. oh my goodness everything looks misproportioned so I think I'll go get some.

Monday, October 28, 2002

I am head over heels in love with Ian. We're going to live in an igloo [The Igloo of Euphoria, actually] and watch Aurora Borealis with our dog named penguin and listen to music and watch our breath curl from our mouths in silence.

Sunday, October 27, 2002

Friday night was spent in with family and Mia [though the line is slowly blurring between the two] watching Empire Records, again. Those witty kids steal my heart every time. Saturday night I dressed up as a newspaper [black and white and red all over...get it?] and won second place in a costume contest, with a 12 ft. string of 'pearls' as my prize. I've draped them around my neck trying desperately, again, to be Audrey's shadow. And today, oh today...We're going to my dad's house, to do who knows what. I think the zoo was mentioned, but I want to visit The National Gallery of Art again and take another lovely picture with Lake Lucrene, and show it to my father and sisters and let them know of all the beauty in the world.

I've thought of three songs to go on Christa's Mix CD, that may just have to double as a driving mix, but oh my goodness lovely.

Good things about the past week:

"Ruby Tuesday" by Rolling Stones, listened to in a parking lot outside of the grocery store
Roxie crying at videos involving Billy Corgan
me closing my eyes, listening to Billy Corgan
acoustic versions of "1979" I've heard before, but am hearing again
mud brown corduroys
fall, and it seems best glorified in New England
Pete Yorn
Christa, and Warner, and a thousand other people who make my life better than it could've possibly been without you
Ender's Shadow, again
The War of Buttons
*being walked to my room by my big brother because we had been watching scary movies all night and well, to be quite frank, I was afraid
Roxie's copy of dawn to dusk that I stole, on accident

*I ended up sleeping in my little sister's bed.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

I came home sick from school yesterday, after Chemistry as was planned. My mom was at school all day and wasn't answering her cell, so I went to my grandma's to be pampered and fed, yet here I still am, headachey and sore. Influenza'll getcha one of these days. First flu of the fall.

I've become more welcoming to leave-strewn lawns and cold weather, lately. I do love the cold, but I don't have a winter coat yet, so it really can't be that bad. I found Spilling Open the other day [it was at the foot of my bed, I had fallen asleep reading it many moons ago and it slowly got pushed down there], and things I had written at school while reading it. There was a good bit on why I miss the summer and it made me ache for heat all the more. I'm listening to "Galapogos" on repeat and chatting with a good buddy I haven't talked to in a while, but I still feel like elephants are sitting on all sides of my head.

Monday, October 21, 2002

Oh homecomming:

Amanda - looked mahvelous and very new york, plus she let me eat her ice cream
Mia - looked like a peach, a very cute one, and danced much freakier than you'd think someone from suburbia could
Roxie - did a lovely Holly Golightly impression, and tried very hard not to die from lack of her drugs.
Kayla - tapped like Shirley Temple and looked like Marylin Monroe
I - went for the Lucille Ball approach, but still wore my chucks for comfort
Kyle - dances durn good for a white boy, and the circle of people around him just proved it
ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
softly stolen under our blanket skies
and rescue me from me
and all that I believe
I won't deny the pain
I won't deny the change
and should I fall from grace here with you,
would you leave me too?

Thursday, October 17, 2002

I was walking to the water fountian before English class today when I felt his arm around my shoulders. I turned my head in suprise to see who it might be, and was greeted with a face I've only seen in the hallways, that I couldn't pick out of a crowd even now. "Hey there, sugar lips," and, upon discovering that we didn't know each other said "Ohmygosh-I'm-so-sorry-I thought-you-were-someone-else!"

Right. He thought I was someone else. ;-D

Monday, October 14, 2002

and i think to myself, what a wonderful world

I feel quietly beautiful, quietly alive. the hair-in-your-eyes, milky-white, smell-of-skin type of beautiful. the type of beautiful after waking up, after seeing someone you love and letting them hold you. the kind i hope my husband will see in me. I can't quite describe it. But I think, if you saw me, you'd understand.

Saturday, October 12, 2002

Punkyelhsa: i'm doing homework
sardonicpenguins: Ahahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahaha!
Punkyelhsa: I am!

Thursday, October 10, 2002

Writers block sucks. My apoligies to all my many fans.

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

Here comes the sun
and i said, it's alright
little darling
it's been a long long lonely winter
little darlin
it feels like years since it's been here
here comes the sun
here comes the sun and i said
it's alright
little darlin
the smiles returning to the faces
little darlin
it seems like years since it's been here
here comes the sun
here comes the sun, and i said
it's alright
sun, sun, sun, here he comes

Monday, October 07, 2002

The day started out with me trying to remember all the words to "I Don't Like Mondays" by Groovie Ghoulies and ended with me singing "All You Need Is Love". I whistled DHC and serenaded Roxie in between classes. I couldn't remember the name of "Boys In Da Hood" cover by Dynamite Hack. I sang Luckie Strike's "Never Be the Same" during 2nd and 3rd period and again in 5th, for a moment. I sang "Anywhere But Here" by The Eyeliners to myself everytime I passed Hepatitis Dan. Now: "Free Falling" by Tom Petty and "Ghoulies Are Go!" by Groovie Ghoulies. My life is emmulated by music.

Friday, October 04, 2002

I found the tube of lipstick in the bag of my makeup that my mom lets my sisters play with. Vintage wine, I thought, Sounds like something Audrey would wear.

My father says my lips look like my grandfather's, even though I've never seen him [and I don't think my dad does either] my dad insists that I got them from him, and how they're full just like his and shaped the same way.

Once, I was almost asleep laying next to my baby sister and she was tracing my lips with her finge rand stroking them. They make me feel beautiful. She makes me feel beautiful. Usually, when we're together, people say how darling and absolutely adorable she is, then they go on to say how much we look alike.

Thursday, October 03, 2002

Cricket1817: u just need to escape the crazyness
Punkyelhsa: i know
Punkyelhsa: but i know when i come back it'll still be here
Cricket1817: yeah
Cricket1817: thats the worst part
Punkyelhsa: i don't have anywhere to go
Punkyelhsa: my family used to be my haven
Cricket1817: go to my house and we can run away to never never land
Punkyelhsa: okay
Cricket1817: and take pictures of it
Punkyelhsa: and fly
Cricket1817: yeah
Cricket1817: and have ruby red shoes
Punkyelhsa: and dance on clouds
Punkyelhsa: and pick daisies all day long
Cricket1817: thatd be nice
Punkyelhsa: but the population never goes down
Punkyelhsa: and have perfect boys
Cricket1817: of the daisys?
Punkyelhsa: yes
Cricket1817: yeah
Cricket1817: and listen to perfect music all day long
Punkyelhsa: yeah!
Cricket1817: and never have homework
Punkyelhsa: and have school but only interesting stuff
Punkyelhsa: and cook
Punkyelhsa: and eat cake
Cricket1817: and have an endless supply of paints and canvas
Punkyelhsa: yeah!
Cricket1817: haha and HAVE CAKE
Cricket1817: kidding
Punkyelhsa: and we can make any color we want
Punkyelhsa: haha
Cricket1817: annnd we can invent colors!
Punkyelhsa: yeah!
Punkyelhsa: and invent words!
Cricket1817: that have never been seen before
Punkyelhsa: and write adn write and write
Cricket1817: and invent styles
Punkyelhsa: and build houses
Punkyelhsa: and have babies!
Cricket1817: and help people
Punkyelhsa: [after we're married]
Punkyelhsa: yeah
Cricket1817: hahaha
Punkyelhsa: and hold hands and skip

I want to turn that into a scene in a movie, except make it in person....

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

Hello, dahlings. I've decided to change my name to Tallulah, and I'm being accompanied by my good friend Audrey. We plan to sit on a deck by the achingly blue ocean and have our food served to us while writing our memoirs. A girl's stories are tres importante, you know.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Conversation in Gym in which Ashley is stumped:

Girl falls, while playing kickball.
Her: Ow ow my knee
Me: Are you alright?
Her: Yeah. Ow, was my swimming knee, too.