Saturday, August 31, 2002

i'm gonna get on the highway with no destination but plenty of vision in mind i'm gonig to drive to the ocean go skinny dipping blow kisses to venus and mars
I woke up this morning and came downstairs in the midst of a flurry of voices and noises that are always there Saturday mornings. I sat on the couch for I don't know how long reading Spilling Open. My family went to friends' house to help them with something, but I didn't go because I hadn't been alone yet this morning. I changed my shirt in the hallway and made a sandwhich with my fingers. I'm feeling beautifully alive this morning.

Things I love about myself:

My stomach [body] though it's signifigantly fuller than my sister's ever will be.

my hair when I wake up; it really does look like a lion's mane, framing my face in a tangle of curls and waves. it reminds me of me as a little girl. i still want to be that little girl, sometimes. climbing as high as i dared in the trees and then just sitting and looking and wondering, eyes wide with wonder of the amazing green of early summer.

the feeling i get when i listen to a song i love passionately

my lips

my feet

my love of rolling down hills

my difference from everyone else in the world, and my similarities that make me feel

my hope

Today I am going to make cookies.

Thursday, August 29, 2002

I worship Warner. He is the greatest ever. Ever ever ever.

Wednesday, August 28, 2002


You Are a Kogyaru!

If it's cute, you'll wear it. Fake and bake, hair bleach, and bright makeup line your bathroom cabinet.

As for clothes - anything that's short and cute ("kawaii!").

You are the prize object of all sorts of men - but you are really looking for a rich foreign guy.

He'll find you out hanging out in Shibuya shopping at the 109, text messaging and sending photos over your cellphone.

What's *Your* Japanese Subculture?

Does anyone know HOW this could possibly work out?!
Hello, dahlings. I need some cheering up. If anyone feels so inspired, please email me []. For all of the three people that read this...
School was everything I'd expected. I feel montone and sad, at the same time. I made a friend, but she was explaining to me that she missed her boyfriend in Germany because "five months is a long time to go without it." I wish it was still summer. It still feels like summer, like I should be having cookouts and visiting friends and staying up late drawing or talking or reading. I'm not ready for this.

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

I got to make dinner tonight! The always gourmet dishes of spaghetti, sauce, and salad with a few improvs from me will be my family's meal tonight. My fingers smell like garlic and I can smell the marinara sauce simmering in the pot. Gracious me, I love cooking.

Three things I love about my house:

we always have fresh garlic
we grow rosemary
when someone gets burnt, we use our aloe plant

Sunday, August 25, 2002

I figured I'd do a tribute to one of the people who has helped shaped my life....

Mandy. I met her in eighth grade and we didn't hit it off until towards the end of the school year. She introduced me to music I didn't know existed and fell in love with. I've recently discovered another side to her, a side I didn't know she had but am so greatful for. She is an amazing artist and person and friend. I so badly want her to visit me. I want to take pictures with her all day long and then spend the night looking at the sky. Gracious me, I'm so glad I have such a beautiful life.
I idolize my older sisters that don't know who I am.

Soon I will work on Christa's present, take pictures, and yes, maybe even write poetry...because it just seems so right now. Today I fell in love with new pictures, switched skirts with Sydney at church because hers swirled, ate homemade jam [if i could do footnotes, this would say 'blackberry is my favorite'] and emailed Ashley about buying one of her pictures.

To quote Mandy, I feel like taking pictures of my feet. I think that statement sums everything up.

Friday, August 23, 2002

Potowiskey: i dont know what has exactly gone on
Potowiskey: but you have "fallen" in love
Potowiskey: in your own special way
Punkyelhsa: I have?
Potowiskey: i knew it was possible
Punkyelhsa: hahaha
Potowiskey: it wold just be a little different
Potowiskey: that's how it feels
Punkyelhsa: who've i fallen in love with?
Potowiskey: you got me
Potowiskey: you just act like
Potowiskey: that light, airy feeling i get with you
Potowiskey: it's like your dancing on air
Potowiskey: being in a good mood prior enhances this
Punkyelhsa: so i'm in love?
Potowiskey: i guess
Potowiskey: it just feels that way
Punkyelhsa: haha, i guess i am....
Potowiskey: it's more than just a good mood
Potowiskey: that's how it feels
Punkyelhsa: Do you want to know who I'm in love with?
Potowiskey: i dont try to pry
Potowiskey: if you want to tell
Potowiskey: that's fine
Punkyelhsa: oh, trust me, I'll tell it to anyone
Potowiskey: yourself?
Punkyelhsa: The world. =) All of the beautiful people in my life, all of the beautiful things and instances and yes, even me.

Very good things:

"Life is For Living" by Coldplay
making peach jam
lovely conversations with Patrick
realizing it won't be that bad, afterall.
new pants
old shirts
my curly Q's that my mom and dad are so in love with,springing up on muggy days like this one

Wednesday, August 21, 2002

I worship Mandy. I got the Blue Dog stickers, 6 shirts, a bracelet, a headband, pictures, and other fun shizzo! This is awesome! Holy schnap!

Friday, August 16, 2002

Today I love everything, particularly "99 Red Balloons" as done by Goldfinger, provalone cheese, picnics with little girls, and long hugs.

We're going rafting on Saturday and Sunday, so I'm missing church and a dance, but this is the last time we'd be able to go until next year. I can't wait to see the stars and have a campfire and feel untouched water. I made a "Happy Mix" that seems like it'd be best on a road trip [lots of oldies and not-so-oldies that have memories firmly attached to them]. On Sunday evening, I'm hoping I'll go to the beyoutimous Ariel's humble abode for a few days. Oh, I've missed her. I've missed the summer, and it's almost over. No matter, I'm going to prolong it for as long as humanly possible. If you see me wearing sandals when it's snowing, you'll know why.
Punkyelhsa: I feel beautiful right now.
polarREL: you should feel beautiful all the time, cause you are. there is no need to feel anything else.
polarREL: maybe happyness
Punkyelhsa: =)
Punkyelhsa: I feel really pretty when I wake up.
Punkyelhsa: Because my hair looks like a mane and I'm just a little bit taller than normal and there's a fresh day, full of possibilities.
Punkyelhsa: When do you know you're beautiful?
polarREL: indeed, the possibilities are endless
Punkyelhsa: I love you so much! That was so quoteable!
polarREL: but i like yellow
polarREL: =) ::bites lower lip as she smiles::
Punkyelhsa: *grins wider than she has all day*
polarREL: yay, i win!
Punkyelhsa: hehehe!
Punkyelhsa: brb really quick
polarREL: i feel most beautifulest when i talk with my miss ashley, you make me feel pretty, no matter what i really look like, cause i smile when i am talking with you, and my mommy said my smile makes me pretty, that and standing up stright, well, at least you help with one of the two
Punkyelhsa: hehehe I love being with you because you are so vibrant and colorful and alive, at all times, whether your sad or happy or just sitting quietly, being Ariel.
polarREL: :-D
Punkyelhsa: I was going to find a quote, but it's out in the car. I think it's something like "Go ahead. Take off your nightgown and lie naked in the moonlight."
polarREL: being ariel is fun
polarREL: i like it
polarREL: mmhh, naked
Punkyelhsa: Can't you just imagine? The audicity!
polarREL: isn't that against mormonism?
polarREL: lol
Punkyelhsa: haha
Punkyelhsa: No one has to know
Punkyelhsa: I think I'm gorgeous when I throw my head back and laugh.
polarREL: i think i am gorgeous when i forget to care
Punkyelhsa: I think you're gorgeous right now because that was the most beautiful thing I've heard all day.
polarREL: when i am having fun (wostly with you) and i don't care what people think, or how i look, cause that is the real me, damned society locks that me in
Punkyelhsa: hahaha you are beautiful. you are amazing and wonderful and i'm so glad that you're exactly yourself.
Punkyelhsa: i can't explain how much i love you.
polarREL: ditto
Punkyelhsa: haha
polarREL: i didn't know how to say the same thing you just said in different words
polarREL: =)
Punkyelhsa: hahahaha
Punkyelhsa: I love laughing with you.
Punkyelhsa: We're going to change this world, Ariel. I can feel it in my bones.

I feel so amazingly alive right now. I feel dangerous, like I could do anything. I've had two lovely conversations tonight, with two people that I love. I feel gorgeous and pretty and very much like a 'succulent wild woman'. I could just as easily be sitting in a tree in the Amazon, or laying under the stars, or even dancing in the rain. But I'd really like to be sitting and falling asleep holding my best friends' hands [all 7 of them] and listening to "Wedding Day" by Rosie Thomas. I discovered this song tonight and I don't think anything could possibly be more beautiful.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

I got conned into staying up until 4:30, and now, only having gotten 7 hours of sleep, feel dead. If you think that 7 hours is enough for a reasonable human being to get by on, trust me, it's not.

I spent yesterday making things. Things to put in Christa's Box O' Happy, a quotebook, and [very late at night] ideas for things to send to Mandy along with her long-awaited shoe. I don't want summer to end, and I don't want the hours of just sitting and cutting and pasting and painting to end, or the late-night conversations about nothing at all. I think I'll cook today. Any suggestions? I'm thinking chicken enchiladas....
Ariel loves me oodles and oodles, and that is enough, for now.

Thursday, August 08, 2002

Everything feels rather empty and blah. Maybe it's because I woke up too early. Maybe I need to listen to Miss Amos. Maybe I'm bored and miss my friends and want to talk to them. Maybe it's all three and the lack of oatmeal cookies. [I'm really craving one right now]

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

I s'pose this is a dedication, of sorts. Tho, I'm not sure who I'm dedicating it to. Several people all at once, and since I don't think any of them read this, I can just refer to it when I'm looking for the lyrics:

Cricket by Dance Hall Crashers

I never thought about it before
just close your eyes and ignore
the dark that troubles you most
don't let it be here

and if you see it again
hold your breath and pretend
that you're already dead
you'll never be alone
I will always hold your hand
I'll never let you fall
'cause nothing-nothing else matters at all

if you're scared, just think of me
'cause you know I'd never let you be
anywhere but with me

forget the story you heard
why are you worried about the dirt
I don't think that you'll mind
when it's your time
'cause I will be there with you
and we'll figure out what to do
so that you don't get bored
you'll never be alone
I will always hold your hand
I'll never let you fall
'cause nothing-nothing else matters at all

if you're scared just think of me
'cause you know I'd never let you be
anywhere but with me

so try to sleep with a smile
I promise I'll wait a while
to make sure that you've moved on
you won't be lost
I will always hold your hand
I'll never let you fall
'cause nothing-nothing else matters at all
if you're scared just think of me
'cause you know I'd never let you be
anywhere but with me

Tuesday, August 06, 2002

Compliment of the day[slash week slash month and quite possibly year, unless you want to try and top it]: "You make me feel like dancing"
We went out to lunch in downtown D.C. at a seafood place called Phillip's. On the way to being seated, I passed a gorgeous boy with dark skin and darker, curly hair. I didn't realize I was smiling at him until he smiled back.

Two days ago I woke up and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the TV, and was astonished to see how beautiful I looked. I took a picture of my stomach/side with my polaroid camera and it makes me want to "lie naked in the moonlight". Lyrics from "Silent All These Years" by Tori Amos seem to describe it perfectly

"I love the way we communicate

your eyes focus on my funny little shape

let's hear what you think of me now

but baby, don't look up

the sky is falling"

That song has been my favoite for the last two or three days...And everything seems to be ending in elipsies or tucked between brackets.

Monday, August 05, 2002

I'm at my father's work, and I just ran outside in the thick of a rainstorm with my Polaroid camera. It was dreamy and I have beautiful pictures of leaves and trees and light, and one of me that didn't turn out as well as I would've liked, but that's alright, because Tori Amos is singing to me and I think I'll go make myself a cup of cocoa in a little.