Saturday, May 29, 2004

the mint

went to the chiller for the first time tonight. it was a pretty good time. i love the mint--and tried to catch the bassist's eye, but he failed to be caught. mary star of the sea. genius. i saw kyle from biology class there--we chilled after everyone left, and shared a lemonade. i got the mint's EP, though. they didn't play alright, but they play enough shows around here that i'll be able to hear it someday.

got my prom dress today. dunno what i'm going to do, though, because it's definitely not mormon--as it doesn't have straps. gorgeous, though. very audrey hepburn and gives me uber curves, at the sacrafice of being able to breathe and eat. whatev. i look good.

today on the way home from school i was singing daysleeper by REM. the part where it's like "talk of circadian rhythms..." and i was thinking about the research paper i did. good story.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004


first full-fledged panic attack today.

and roxie seduces me with her music.

and i can't seem to go to bed before 12 even if all i have to do is nothing.

i was a key that could use a little turning

i was a key that could use a little turning

Monday, May 24, 2004

life after

'believe' by cher came on and i started flexing my butt to the beat. prom, here i come.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

first let's just unzip your religion down

so this weekend is competing with last for being the worst one of my life...and i got talked to for about three hours this morning about how i'm being selfish for doing everything i had planned this summer. and oh yeah, i'm supposed to stop moping whenever i come down here and they only want me to be happy, as long as i'm being an adult and sacrificing. eff this.

Saturday, May 15, 2004

entertain me

so far this weekend has sucked. today we were supposed to make aaron a care package, but we all slept in and so we didn't go to the office to pick up pictures...blah blah blah. i stayed up mad late again talking to randon and krissie and mike. but now, they're all gone. mike and krissie have work and randon's off having a social life. kyle stayed in york this weekend for a lacrosse game. so i'm just babysitting the little kids--which is, admittedly, fun. i'm also almost finished with "All is Swell-Trust in Thelma's Way" and as soon as I'm done, I'm going to start The Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius. And dad has a book called 1421: The Year China Discovered America. So I'm all set until 10 or so tonight, when everyone's coming home. Mike has a Beatles documentary that I wanted to see so maybe he'll remember to get that. Oh, and I drove dad's truck to the Harkness's and ended up ramming the side into a bunch of tree branches, which made him yell at me, and me try not to cry. I hate not being a really good driver. I'm either too cautious or too lackadasical. Frustrates me.
Krissie showed me pretty pictures of myself from the trip to Florida. One's really cute, with me and Ali and Maren and the other's me laughing into the distance.

summer 2004

i had never hyperventilated before.

Friday, May 14, 2004

sherman powow

i had a fun talk with dad on the steps of the courthouse, today. about sherman alexie and jingle dresses and pow wows. there's going to be a big one in september when the museum opens in dc, so lissa and i are going to get jingle dresses made and dance in it. won't that be freakin awesome? i told him i didn't want the hardcore looking indians [like lissa] to think i was a loser hippie who wanted some culture. he said that people who are around indians a lot know that we look like them, so maybe. it's the big fat face and huge eyebrows. i really want a jingle dress. and i already have mocasins, but i'd freakin DIE in them because they're so hot. ohhh so cool.

i'm doin it again

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
closet door

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
vh1 show about game shows

WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
fatboy slim, traffic, ceiling fan

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
getting my stereo from the porch, at about nine thirty.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
my website. who's vain.

9: What are you wearing?:
black rancid tshirt and jeans

10: Did you dream last night?
i think something about school. i always have half-dreams when i'm stressed about school.

11: When did you last laugh?
when mom came in to bring me chips and sour cream.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
absolutely nothing. tv room.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
a road trip to louisiana, enough money to buy off mr. gable.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
my uterus hurts like a mother. or like a relieved supposed mother-to-be. pregnancy scare, anyone?

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
emily. i think...

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:

Thursday, May 13, 2004

mexico, baby. these indians know.

i've been thinking about john an awful lot lately. the whole road trip scenario and i don't know if he's serious about it at all and i really hate being so apprehensive about falling head over heels in love with an idea. but i have these cute daydreams about reading on the road out loud and stopping at gas stations in green polka dotted skirts and listening to weezer with the windows down. watching people drive is such a turn-on, and the open road gives me some kind of thrill that can't be matched. so if this doesn't happen i'll be heartbroken.

for the record, i'm starting a fund to get me to louisiana this summer. donations welcome.

my heart hurts like dimmesdales when i think of that polka dotted skirt and holding hands in the front seat.

and i hate being the only one in love.

Monday, May 10, 2004

highlights from tonight


HMSwrecked: how are you?
supercow489: broke hand
supercow489: surfing
supercow489: you?
HMSwrecked: greasy hair
HMSwrecked: not washing

supercow489: ahhhhhh i love apache chiefs
HMSwrecked: they're the best kind of chief
supercow489: i so want to happen upon a native uncontacted tribe somewhere and have them threaten to eat us and our viking crew of my friends and then we'll negotiate our way out of it and they'll make you their cheif
HMSwrecked: i'm indian, y'know. so it'd be by default
HMSwrecked: and i could be like "puxaput"
HMSwrecked: because that's the only indian i know
supercow489: you'd use your heritage to save our voyage
HMSwrecked: you're my voyage
supercow489: and you mine.

HMSwrecked: ich liebe es
bones2gnaw: Matrime du es??
HMSwrecked: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
HMSwrecked: that totally effing made my day
bones2gnaw: hahahaha

HMSwrecked: all around the world statues crumble for me....
supercow489: who knows how long ive loved you

[image here]
p o l a r REL: our ginger bread houses
p o l a r REL: i made a synoguege
p o l a r REL: just b/c...
p o l a r REL: there are little gummybears inside, praying
p o l a r REL: and a rabbi
p o l a r REL: and i made "stain glass" windows on the sides with sprinkles
HMSwrecked: hahahahahahahahaha
HMSwrecked: oh i miss you

HMSwrecked: i like convulsed
supercow489: do you?
HMSwrecked: no i meant i, like, convulsed.
supercow489: oh i was like wtf
supercow489: lol
HMSwrecked: who's convulsed?
supercow489: i dont know i thought he was your friend

HMSwrecked: crap and let out my flies
bones2gnaw: is crap a verb there?
HMSwrecked: double duty
HMSwrecked: ha, ha.
HMSwrecked: and no, it's not.


"it was a standard suicide drowning - filled her pockets with rocks and waded in." The officer's words echoed in my head as I sat on the riverbank watching pebbles and stones clattering towards me. When one leaped into my pocket, I got up and ran.
May 10, 2004 06:29 PM

I raised my hands high above my head and whispered, "Go, just go." That was the end of it. I didn't want to see him anymore, I gave up and this was the end. Never mind what the problem was, something petty like always, but eventually, these things build and build until it is a mountain of problems waiting at your doorstep. And you must have your theoretical bags packed.
May 3, 2004 11:20 AM

he didn't raise children, he reared them -- as often as possible.dave
May 3, 2004 12:06 PM

She lifts her glass towards the sky, toasting the future, toasting the present. Beside her, he's grinning broadly, a rare gesture for him, and she wants to kiss him for it. He notices her looking and ducks away, not willing to admit to such an out-of-character moment. She raises her glass and begins the toast to the new year, and beside her, he's smiling.
May 3, 2004 12:17 PM

crimson and clover

i downloaded kazaa onto the good computer, so i'm downloading songs like mad. so far i have three copies of crimson and clover and how bizarre.

20 days and counting.

i made friends with a nurse today and i don't like my dentist.
also: one word. my very favorite, so far:
[Kelly Dawn]
I hope Heaven grades on a curve.
May 8, 2004 10:51 PM
i did one on 'drowning'

over and over

Saturday, May 08, 2004


i fell asleep last night at the buergers and spent the night. it was a good time. we didn't really do much. listened to the beautiful south and made smoothies last night and eggs this morning. i'm supposed to be cleaning the kitchen right now, then my room, so i can play with mia....
mom said we might go viethai tonight. so that's enough motivation for anything.

only now i can't find the three songs i want to listen to right now on this computer. meh

Thursday, May 06, 2004

they call 'general anxiety disorder'

i have these panic moments. usually they're about getting older, about finity, but sometimes they are diverted. right now it's normal schools tuff--not finishing assignments, and people being mad at me [and wondering why i'm so afraid of that] and having to deal with everything instead of hiding from it, and it's getting a little overhwelming.

but it's all right.

i'm listening to this song by the cure, and i feel so late whenever i pick up old music, but it seems so pristine and emotional. and it's making me relax. because summer's almost here--and even though i still don't have my passport or my permit, summer's almost here. by summer i mean green leaves and breezy skirts and sunburn and volleyball and hide and go seek in the dark in the gordy's back yard and the sun setting late and fooling the grown-ups into staying up even later. it gives me this incredible feeling of relief.

one more thing--
on my playlist there's two songs that i had forgotten about--they're bits i recorded on my mom's phone at the flogging molly concert. and one of michael playing guitar and christa screaming.

so just calm down. it'll be all right. breathe

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

say what?

we all drink we lemonade

so last night lissa and i were watching a plastic surgery show about breast augmentation, and one woman had some wierd thing where they were flat on the bottom and i'm really worried that mine are like that...i thought i was okay, and they look pretty normal, but still. i hope not. =/

oh yeah angels and demons is awesome. frickin awesome. i'm like 2/3 of the way through and i can't freakin put it down.

so here's my freak triumph of the day. i came home and poured myself a bowl of cocoa pebbles and put them BACK because they're not healthy! and i made myself a tuna sandwhich with pepperjack cheese and had a glass of milk. and it was delicious. awesome, huh?

i hate frau zimmerman more and more every day. she infuriates me. and apparently she's going to be my german teacher next year, too! bleh. her and mr. adams should get married because they'd win crappiest child award.

Monday, May 03, 2004

ten point five

we're watching that stupid earthquake movie, 10.5. it's such a huge waste of time. but we're watching it anyways. right.

today we went to the eagle's nest for mediocre seafood--but there was a LOT of it. we saw elle there, with todd. it was a good time. i thought i stuffed myself, but realized i hadn't eaten taht much because picking crabs takes about ten thousand years so yeah.

they're "preparing to set the warhead" on tv.

talked to crybaby today about music. he likes get up kids...ew. but he was singing karma payment plan so i can't really disagree there.
oh yeah, modest mouse, the yeah yeah yeahs, and THE VIOLENT FEMMES are showing up at HFStival. effing awesome.

ryan's home, too. we're supposed to play on thursday but i love friends too much. who else is gonna bawl their eyes out at the last episode? because i'm planningo n it. me and mom and a box of tissues, that's all you need.

mom says i'm mean and that's why boys hate me. whatev.

craving ice cold jello right now. mmmmmmm............