Sunday, March 30, 2003


ZWAN was last night!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was amazing, he was amazing. We shoved out way to the front after Queens of the Stone Age and winning free tickets for Randon and Krissie. I screamed his name when they came on stage and cried when they played their first song [Endless Summer]. I'm still trying to figure out during what song the dreamy stubble-boy kissed me during. Jeeze louise, he was dreamy...I got another smooch from Rox, and arms around everyone from the 10 people I was inadvertently touching. Rox started to faint during Settle Down, so I helped her out to a giant fan and cried again during their dreamy improv encore. I love Zwan, and Krissie's officially converted. I can't contain myself, and that's going to be my default daydream for quite some time.

AH he was 5 feet away from me. We had eye contact. with BILLY.

Thursday, March 27, 2003

I guess I've always been pretty durn lucky--or blessed, rather. I learned how to deal with that inherent sadness at a relatively early age. Now I understand that I control my own happiness, but I still have relapses.

My meandering point is this: Being loved by other people can never fully make up for loving yourself. You need to work on that, on being in love with this amazing amazing world. It's not really a goal you can work towards, but you need to surround yourself with people who will help you see how amazing you are. Speak your mind. Don't, whatever you do, buy into the cliché that being sad is glamorous. It's not. It's just sad. Stand up for yourself, and for other people whenever the occasion permits. Dance at random intervals throughout the day. Like now. I triple-dog-dare you to go over there and start doing the mashed potato. I guess I can't really really help. Just call whenever you feel like this, alright?

and i was serious about the dancing.

current mood: hopeful
current music: going to california by led zepplin

never let 'em tell you that we're all the same

Monday, March 24, 2003

Punkyelhsa: 5 DAYS, PATTY!
PeLo LoCo87: = )
Punkyelhsa: no
Punkyelhsa: you don't understand
Punkyelhsa: 5 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PeLo LoCo87: I'm sure Billy's excited too

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Things are a bit jumbled in my heart and my brain right now. I really need to pray and sleep and my I-Search is due tomorrow but I have a feeling this is a bit more important. J'ai eu une bonne weekende mais maintent je suis un peu confusé. Je besoin force et l'amour.

overheard: i still feel him...sometimes i think i can still hear his laughter in the winds

current music: home by bone thugs 'n' harmony featuring phil colilns
current mood: confused, sad, in need of prayer

Friday, March 21, 2003

We're killing and being killed and all I can think about is how much I'll miss my daddy this weekend.

current mood: fragile
current music: with or without you by U2

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Today was a rather nondescript day. On my way to 8th period, Mia's wistful beaux ran into me and called me the b-word. I, in return, pushed him into a locker and kept walking. So she made a wise decision in having to clean that Sunday. But, besides that, I had a relatively good day. I understand what we're doing in Chemistry, and tomorrow I get to see the other half of my family. I talked to my dad last night and enjoyed it very thoroughly, but still felt a little sad that he wanted to go. We had a fun conversation. =) I tried calling the loverly miss Kristen but the number didn't work. I did, however, have a nice conversation with Christa and a certian un-named genius who I officially adore.

I really rather feel like reading Spilling Open. I think I just may go do that.

Ugh, I realized how much homework I have tonight. I have to do my entire I-Search paper. I think I just had an accident. meh.

current mood: scared [of the homework]
current music: liar by the cranberries

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Well, I'm better [more or less] and enjoying the recent spring weather. I wore flip flops yesterday and today [well, I suppose they aren't "worn" yet as it's 7:16 AM]. I've missed Seminary every day this week which rather upsets me. I suppose I'll have to set up my alarm clock every night before I go to bed and unplug it during the day. I really detest clocks.

9 Days till ZWAN!!!!!
2 Days till Daddy-O and lovely lovely Ostlunds!
1 Day till....Thursday.

I stayed after yesterday to make up a Chem lab I think I royally screwed up. Roxie made me owe her a thousand by staying after with me so I'd have company while waiting for certian hydrates to heat up and cool down. Desperately boring, and why I love her all the more.

I'm not hating my hair any more. It's rather bouncy today and I'm enjoying tossing my hair about like a little girl.
Cher impression [licks lips, tosses hair with stiff hand and says whooaaaa]

current mood: content
current music: lyric by ZWAN

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

I just realized I had a huge pile of used tissues on one side and a trash can on the other.
NyQuil is still working on me and I took it something like last year. Yeesh. I feel like I'm gonna fall over.

Friday, March 07, 2003

i hate hate hate being sick. i feel utterly devoid of feeling except for that horrible sensation of ache whenever i touch anything. readjusting my blanket hurts.

good thing i have a blog to complain about it.

current mood: deserted [mom-o's going to party it up with billy joel and elton john while i sit home, being pitiful]
current music: where is my mind cover by ghoti hook

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

so. i finally chopped my hair off.

everyone at the salon asked if i was in college. i was the worst-dressed one there in my paint-splattered, hole-filled disneyland shirt from 5th grade, old sandals, mismatched socks, dirty, worn-in jeans and old faded blue bandana i stole from the girls.

i made the woman who did my eyebrows cackle in mid-wax.

[still sick]

current mood: primped
current music: new dress by luckie strike [again]

she finds not being taught is the only way to learn
faster, here we go....
I spent last night being horribly sick and listening to Flogging Molly pretending I was at the show. Feeling better now, but not so well that I'd risk school. Bleh. I'm going to chop off all the hairs on my head today at 3:30. I'm excited and, at the same time, petrified.

So I'm chowing down Halls Fruit Breezers [which, by the way, don't taste remotely like fruit] and feeling sorry for my sickly self. I wanna be with you and you and talk to you and shoot films staring you and teach him to jitterbug.

I haven't taken a shower since Sunday, but this time my excuse is there's no way I'm taking a freezing cold shower. Stupid gas heat.

current mood: discombobulated
current music: gypsy rose lee by the distillers
I scored a 44% on the "How white are you??!" Quizie! What about you?

So. Welcome to the 66% minority world of Ashley. We accept people of all cultures and backgrounds. Except fo yo' white cracka self.


Tuesday, March 04, 2003

So. Turns out I was too sick to go. That and Kayler is a big fat liar *stab* sigh, not really, I just need someone to blame besides my stupid craptastic immune system. way to go low white blood cell school is probably not going to happen tomorrow. but gilmore girls will tonight as will roxielicous calling me [hopefully] when every dog has it's day is on.

gah. today sucks.

current mood: inflated [bad headache]
current music: third world war by the briggs
I'm home sick with menengitis [maybe]. Head, throat, stuffy nose, sore...maybe just the flu. Either way, I'm staying home from school but WILL feel better by the time flogging molly rolls around. mehh. had a really bad day yesterday, up till I played with Ryan all afternoon. We felt like the hippest of the hip and played the deckest Super Nintendo game ever-California Games II. We decided that Monday is officially Starbucks day, and we're planning on going there every week from now till forever.

Dying to see Flogging Molly...literally.

as for now i'm gonna hear the saddest songs
and sit alone and wonder how you're making out
and as for me i wish that i was anywhere, with anyone
making out
i'm missing your laugh
how did it break?
and when did your eyes begin to look fake
i hope you're as happy as you're pretending

Turns out there was a gas leak or some such thing, and we all expected to be off school today *shakes fist*

I'm making a movie on Saturday [hopefully] staring Ryan and Mia's legs. I'm excited. Inspired by Saturday Looks Good to Me's "The Sun Doesn't Want to Shine"

current mood: here
current music: new dress by luckie strike