Friday, December 31, 2004

beat year

i started reading The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber. it's about a prostitute in victorian london. mom and madame piotrowski both said that it's a raunch fest but i'm halfway through the second chapter and nothing too dirty has happened yet. its diction is good, but i'm not sure i'll make it the whole way through unless a plot shapes up sometime. i also got everything by a one mr. salinger [excluding the catcher in the rye] and i love him so much. i don't know why i associate him with beatnicks, but i do. maybe he's like their dad. neal cassady's dad was a drunk and a bum and rode all around denver doing beat things without a typewriter to keep it documented. i wonder if his actions were rationalized into philosophy or if he just enjoyed the lifestyle.

anyways. it's new year's eve and we're doing the 12 minutes 'til midnight tradition. roxie and mia invited me to rocky horror picture show at the strand but i'm too sentimental and decided to stay at home with the fam because it's the last time everyone's going to be all together. now if only i had someone to kiss at midnight.

i think everyone around the world should sing pretty good year when the clock strikes twelve.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


i saw a school bus stuck behind a mail truck today.

Monday, December 06, 2004

ever after

so there's this girl. and she wrote me a letter once a week after i moved. they had faux feathers and dictionary pages and were written in crayons and had watercolors and gum wrappers and anything that reminded her of me. and she had a beautiful complexion that i envied--it was creamy and soft and white. she wasn't ever afraid of anything, sometimes.

it seemed like such a pristine summertime existence. it was middle school, and ninth grade, and everything seems so overexaggerated now but it was fun, wasn't it? i wrote bad poetry and we ate those otis spunkmyer cookies at the lunch table with all of the girls and sean and mandy and sometimes corey....whenever he could tear himself away from his busty drawings long enough to eat.

it's been a couple of years now and i'm trying to decide on senior quotes and there's this 60 foot long piece of paper running a loop in my head saying things like "ashley rose, my favorite color" and "i wish the world was a marshmallow..."

and it makes me sad, too. but it doesn't feel over, yet. so i think that we shouldn't let this slip by. nothing's ever final until you're dead, and even then i'm sure god negotiates.

Saturday, December 04, 2004


krissie, megan, melissa, and i just danced around to the go-gos in our black and white bra party. we're going to see napoleon dynamite tonight. i think everyone's decorating the christmas tree downstairs but i'm kind of just wallowing up here. i'm almost finished with the girl's guide to hunting and fishing and it's mighty depressing. but there might be an epiphany in the last section. i hope so, anyways.

i was thinking about warner today. about him coming back here and what we would talk about and how i want to be comfortable enough with him to not have to talk.


Wednesday, December 01, 2004

i'm trying to finish one hundred years of solitude by tomorrow so that i can write my paper that's due friday but i'm only on page 148 out of 458. i also got the girl's guide to hunting and fishing in hardback for four dollars yesterday. on top of that, a robert farrell smith book and lovely bones. i'm a readin fool.

today's sads:

missing seminary
not finishing homework
joe ness being absent in german
ambigious actions
feeling like a fat little boy
not having any clean or flattering pants
walking home in sandals
wearing itchy wool
being the only one who bothers

today's happys:

grinning at tucker across the room
skyler's sweet home alabama ring in german class
mr. streibig asking for cookies
shoulder-touching in french
giggling with megan
shouting obnoxious hellos to andrew in the hallway
being on filizzi's list
pretending to be a librarian
realizing my skin is clearing up
cozy pajamas
the prospect of reading over the christmas break
planning presents