no good very bad day

so today sucked. everything that could be bad was, except our bio homework was postponed...because we have an enormous test that i'm clueless about on monday. for the most part, everything was okay until fifth period. in gym, we polka-d and i wasn't picked by anyone but the freshmen, who go last. it was very embarassing. and my partner was like up to my shoulder, even tho we did make semi-finals. i felt really horrible about myself for the rest of the day. i know everyone probably thinks that i have self-esteem issues [krissie does, anyway] but for the most part, i really am okay with how i look. and i know that that's not the reason every boy i've ever met refuses to talk to me, but i can't figure out for the life of me what it is. mom says they're intimidated but i don't get how i'm so scary--i've definitely toned down the meanness and am quite willing to get along. a while ago gram told me it was time i started dating, which thoroughly depressed me, cause i'm quite ready to be dated--but there seems to be a lack of willing participants. everyone thinks i'm being a big loser because it hurt so much except for shannon eberly and my mom. makes me want to use the f word a lot, to be quite frank.
anyways, after that, everything bad seemed to be amplified. did a bad job on my composition in french and bombed a geometry test that i would've gotten right if i had left the original answers. gah. and mr. emig was being observed today, so he tried to make us pay attention instead of letting us slack off like normal.
and all my friends are busy tonight. i really want to go to viethai café but i'm not cool enough for anyone.
man i whine. yeah, well, eff you.

Napalm "Drop it like it's hot"

reel big fish

Reel Big Fish were amazing. Ohh my gosh. Fantastic. It was like the best thing in the world, ever. I'm uber-picky about which shows I go to because I can't seem to enjoy them unless I really like the music. Which is why I've been to like three in the last 5 months. But this one was very, very worth it. I can't get over experiencing music--I told Elle today that I'm my happiest when I'm at shows. And even though I was groped, and he wasn't even cute, and I gave that pick away, it was PERFECT because me and Fred pseudo-kissed and knowing the lyrics changes everything and davey and b. doug were there and i can't stop smiling. and the music, oh the music. today was about six hundred times better because of it. and the under 21 mark is still on my hand.

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randon kate and dad

Dad's this weekend was fun. I stayed up mad late with Randon last night, who is SO much fun. we watched almost famous until like 2 or 3. i don't really know. i was gonna crash in his room, but dad got a little peturbed last time i slept in their room. doesn't want them corrupting me or anything. so now i'm gonna go get dressed for bed and snuggle ali. we have a photography field trip to the national zoo tomorrow. but it's supposed to be cloudy. fun nonetheless. also: need to find smaller than iowa headphones by then. what to wear...

tigermilk

i own tigermilk--on vinyl.

accidental exhibitionism

so apparently i flashed everyone...and when kyle told me twenty minutes ago i curled up on my bed in the fetal position and cried. this is the worst i've ever felt about anything. which goes to show how vain i am. really horrible. ruined an almost-perfect day, i don't know why he had to effing say anything. oh but wait it wasn't perfect because our parents really hate us and don't like to go out of their way to do anything for us, id est pick us up, so we had to make dumb talk to sis. kneudson outside their house for twenty minutes. it was horrible. everything's horrible.

Last night's volleyball game was oodles of fun. Roxie came, and I had a mohawk, and afterwards we showed David and Taylor around our monotonous school and danced in the parking lot to the yeah yeah yeahs. oh, i love them. today was a pretty good day. i'm wearing austin's undershirt and it's all thin and i like it. also: it's getting around to the ever-so sporadic laundry day and i kinda ran out of clean underwear, so i'm wearing a strapless bra and a bathing suit bottom. not comfy, lemme tell ya what. pants were slippery all day, and the bra has these plastic straps across the back that make me wanna cry. but it's all good. we're going out tonight to el rodeo. mmm delicious. i'm wearing my nouveau black and white dress. i'm very excited. good times.

Roxie seems to make everybody's world go round. We stayed up mad late on the phone, talking about KR and BRANDON LADD and formal bowling. I'm scared/excited. Plus I get to wear my pretty dress.
It's 7 o'clock in the AM, and I'm in a gooood mood. It's a little gray outside, but there're blossoms on the tree right outside my room. What should I wear today...think think think. I really want to wear my red sweater, but I wore that yesterday. Black and white and red all over? nahh....gym today, I'll get hot.
I'm playing Bobby McGee on full volume to wake Lissa up. I had an argument with one of my distant relatives about Janis Joplin. He said she ruined this song. Then I took care of a baby.
Man this entry isn't even a little coherent. Oh, just found my favorite pen. Bye!

There are plenty of linguistics programs that are going to be very interested in Ashley Woodward. After all, it's not ever day that a blog slinging, Tori loving, fluent french chortling, poet potentate comes sauntering across every admission officer's desk. They shuffle a lot of hash between courses of apetizing alure. You will yet have your day as the vegan special of some tofu munching, the sirlion steak of some carnivourous, the Emperor's delight of some fortune cookie crumbilng... stodgy admission's officer. Foster may be Australian for Beeeeeeeahh, but Ashley will be known as Mondrienne souffle d'air frais qui soulève l'esprit, the Vidalia of the onion family, whose fluency in polyphonic languages and cultural aphorisms from around the globe will fill the corners of the sails with the four winds and delight the hearts with the sweet aroma of poignant Alliums.

Be happy


...okay. =)

so now i'm feeling this tremendous pressure to make something of myself and study HARD and be beautiful and work out and wear makeup and take time to do my hair more often and to clean and read as much as possible, but spend more time on math all because of this stupid test. because look at that, and how much better i could've done, and how lackadasical my entire life is and it's only going to make me fail in everything i'll ever try at. 1100 is the loneliest number.

i'm going to kill myself. 440 on the math SAT.

i'm sick as a dog. i didn't go to school today, but i wasn't going to because we were going to go to north carolina today anyways. but yeah. fevers suck. i hadn't had one in like a few years and it's so much worse than having a cold. my ears are like exploding at anything that makes noise and my head feels like it's in a vice. i wonder what menengitis feels like.
b. doug wasn't online all today so i didn't have anyone to talk to. my lips are also really chapped, i guess from not drinking enough? dad said "drown a cold, feed a fever" but all i ate today was crackers and soup. and i really have a craving for a slushie from the cafeteria all of a sudden. ew.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
je me tenais

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
melissa's bed post

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
underworld at the buergers last night

WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
9:26

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
8:42. that's pathetic.

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
ali breathing and rustling around while she tries to go to sleep, the traffic of cape horn road

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
coming home from church

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
ryan varner's livejournal. he's got all the good surveys.

9: What are you wearing?:
socks, blue jeans, faux hawaiian belt, green and blue and white track jacket, yellow tshirt.

10: Did you dream last night?
yes--it was about me getting my SAT results. 14 effing 30.

11: When did you last laugh?
when i told mom about brother newcomer singing happy birthday to me--even though melissa's the one turning one year older.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Bulletin board, calender, shelves [the girls], my audrey hepburn calender, rainer maria wallpaper, "joy of life" by matisse, my rebel snail drawing, james dean.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
a ticket to chicago to see billy corgan.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
i'm intellectually competative--i must be the smartest and most well-read and i get very jealous when i fall short. it's horrible.

20: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
emily. maybe.

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
nicholai

I cannot sleep. It's probably due to all of the late-night partying I've been doing lately, but the fact remains. I'm sitting here in my skivies and a quilt, with two questions on my mind:
1-Am I being watched? Yes, it's creepy, and out of all the possibilities, very unlikely, but I have quite the overactive imagination, and about a month ago I read a story in some fashion magazine about a woman being stalked. Which, in my opinion, would suck.
2-How often am I going to have these mortal moments? I've caught myself quite a few times in the past few weeks absolutely euphoric at the prospect of being alive . I love being young and stereotypically happy because of all the people I get to be with every day--extroversion to the fullest. Elle really exemplifies it. The other day we stayed after to read in the library and afterwards spent about 15 minutes straight laughing because of some joke--which, in and of itself, wasn't all that funny. But then after each fit was seemingly over, one of us would snort or make a face or almost fall off the bench or realize that we were about to pee our pants and it'd start all over again. And it felt so wonderful to just laugh and laugh and be as loud as possible and wonder how many people could hear us screaming hysterically down the hall, and who would smile, and who would pretend they were too good for laughing out loud, and who would be startled and drop something, then immediately pretend nothing happened [like i do, when i do something stupid] and this last thought sent me on another tangent of "haha hee hoooo ohhh ha ha ha ha ha" and on and on and on. And how many times am I going to dance around in my underwear, making pouty faces at myself in the mirror, and how many times am I going to hear Ali say in her sleep "yes, that's a very beautiful perfume mmph mmmphh", and how many times do I get to hear all of the boys crack up in unison one room over? Because it's all so worth it, and I can't get over how beautiful and worthwhile our lives are.

A Valediction: Forbiding Mourning

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls, to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"The breath goes now," and some say, "No:"

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears;
Men reckon what it did, and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refin'd,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,